07 February 2018
Yesterday, my Twitter feed was all a-buzz over a controversial (and quite frankly, pot stirring) thread that popped up in the designers’ forum on Ravelry. I have a guilty pleasure in sometimes reading Internet meltdowns but this thread perked up my inner armchair psychologist.
The gist of the original post and thread was asking if too many designers kill designs, meaning are there too many designers competing for a limited source/audience? That got me to think, can there be only one top designer? From the OP’s wording, she does think that success is a finite resource.
On the surface, I would loudly disagree. Deep down, however, I fully agree and I want to change that.
It’s a block to happiness
By believing that there isn’t enough success (read: happiness) to go around, I’m telling myself that it’s impossible for me to be happy and fulfilled. I’m currently writing a book about cancer. At first, I thought that my idea was original and unique. My market research has shown that it’s not.
I’m going to write the book anyway.
Why? My inner scarcity says that it’s too late, the idea has been done, so why am I going to bother? On a personal level, I feel like this book needs to be written for me to feel complete. And after reading a few similar books, I don’t like the voice and tone they’re written. So if I don’t like them, there has to be others who don’t either and want a different slant on the same subject. Why can’t that person be me?
Abundance by Seeveeaar via Flickr
Thinking in abundance means there’s room for me (and you!)
By thinking that there’s room for my voice at the table, I’m letting myself strive for happiness rather than quitting before I start. There’s good (unscientific) evidence that there is room in any profession for other points of view. Example: William Shakespeare isn’t the only playwright you can name off the top of your head, right? (Tennessee Williams and Arthur Miller are two I can think of quickly.) How about a female pop music singer? Katy Perry competes with the same audience that listens Brittney Spears and Madonna. Or the great 1990s/2000s boy band division of middle school, you either liked the Backstreet Boys or NSYNC. Both were competing for the attention (and dollars) of pre-teen girls. And both were enormously successful. (For the record, in my clique it was either Oasis or Bush.)
Have you stopped yourself from doing something scary like publishing a knitting pattern? Was it because, maybe deep down a little voice says “you’re not good enough”? Perhaps you’ve stopped before you even really started. It’s a hard pattern to break from but I urge to be aware and try anyway. You might be surprised that the people you’re “competing” with are also your biggest supporters.
If you’d like to hear more on this topic, Gwen Bortner was interviewed on this very subject. Thanks for the inspiration, Gwen!
SEP 27
I’ve made up a few more thyroids. I decided to experiment with different expressions on their faces. I think this little one is corrupting the others.
I turned my back for one minute to set up my camera and this is what I find. Thierry there on the left won $105 with a royal flush, beating out Theo’s two pair. And poor Thom has no idea what is going on. If he was wearing a shirt, it would have been lost already. These trouble makers will be up for sale at 4pm Central time over at Survival Organs. Pick ‘em up so they can wreak havoc in your home and not mine.SEP 25
- Use it as a replacement lymph node like Skeeter demonstrates:
My lymph nodes don’t cause swelling from edema and come with a 100% doesn’t-have-cancer guarantee. - Stick one in your bag and my nodes will keep an eye on your valuables.
- My nodes are always up for an adventure and make good sherpas.
- My nodes are certified* rock climbing shoe fitters. (*They’re not, but don’t tell them that.) They’ll also tell you what style shoes make your ankles look fat.
- And most importantly, they know when and how to relax!
My lymph nodes don’t cause swelling from edema and come with a 100% doesn’t-have-cancer guarantee.
Want to make one of my organs yours? Pick ‘em up at Survival Organs on Etsy. Check back often because new organs are added all the time!
SEP 23
This past week I left for a First Descents trip to the Shawanagunks area of New Paltz New York. Teaming up with Alpine Endeavors as our guides, myself and nine other young adult cancer survivors learned how to rock climb. With ropes, carabiners and everything. It’s been hard to put into words just what this (all inclusive!) trip meant to me but here are the ten biggest lessons I’ve learned.
1. If I believe I am Ninja, I will act like Ninja. While it’s also the name of one of my cats, it was my name for the whole trip. There were quite a few times where I had to remind myself that I was no longer Vanessa the person who had lymphoma and hasn’t really stuck with a work out program for sometime. I was Ninja. I am Ninja. The person who says, “Okay, I’ll try that” to things that are hard and out of her comfort zone.
2. There is no shame in asking for a do over. Our first day of climbing, I got up about 20 ft off the ground fairly quickly. And then I looked down. Which was a HUGE mistake. So I rappelled down. I took a break, gathered my courage and tried again. And I made it to the top! I learned that no one was keeping score how many times people stopped and started. The point is getting to the top.
3. Sometimes, you have to find feet that aren’t really there. “Feet” is a climbing term meaning any hand or foothold. And sometimes the rock face is a bit too smooth so you have to get creative and make it up as you go. It’s a lot like life; everyone’s making it up as they go along.
4. Sit back and trust the rope. The best way to recoup your strength while resting is to sit back in your harness and let the ropes take your weight. And that means sticking your butt out into nothingness and trusting that your equipment holds up. I found myself naturally doing this if I didn’t think too hard about it. It seems like there’s nothing there to hold me but there is, it’s my natural strength.
5. Clear communication with your belayer prevents tons of accidents. Rock climbing is about setting clear boundaries and communicating with your partner all the time. Before you even take your first step, both you and your anchor go through a safety check list. Then you tell the belayer to be ready. Need more slack? Tell your belayer. Tension? Ditto, gotta shout that. Ready to come down? It’s “Handles (my belayer), you got me?” And then wait to hear back, “Ninja! I got you.” Being very clear of your wants and needs is the key to safe and fun climbing. There’s no room for shyness or indirect queries.
6. Don’t look down, don’t look back, just keep your eyes on the horizon. There’s no point in looking back or down, it’ll just make you dizzy. Eyes are forward looking for the next spot to put my hands and feet.
7. In for four, out for four. A great deep breathing technique I learned from Rice Patty. If you concentrate on your breathing, you have less energy to spend thinking about how high up off the ground you are. Four breaths in, four breaths out and don’t look down.
8. There will always be more than enough rope and support than you’ll ever need. Redundancies are a life saver. They’ll keep you from falling to your doom ala Cliffhanger. And be sure to check and double that all of your tools are in working order. Is there anything in your life or business that you can automate? Are all of your computer files backed up? Is there a back up for your back up?
9. It’s not about arm strength, it’s about leg strength. Build a solid base! Before this trip, I really thought climbing was all about having a crazy amount of upper body strength. I was surprised to learn it’s mostly about leg strength. If you build a strong foundation with your feet, you’re able to hoist yourself up. Having a strong foundation with my feet meant I could reach areas that first seemed to be impossible.
10. When the going gets tough, there’s nothing like a bunch of cancer survivors cheering you on to get past that last hard bit. I cherish the new friendships I’ve made with my climbing buddies. When I thought I couldn’t go on, they were there cheering and helping me on to that last bit. In my business life, I have that with the Starship. In my personal life, I’ve got that with the SGT, my family and our friends. Who can you rely on to anchor you and cheer you on?
SEP 13
I’ve been busy with guest posting and sewing, so I’ve had little time to craft for myself. However, I saw this kit by Heidi Boyd at Crafty Planet and I knew it was the perfect housewarming project.
They look like David and Lisa the Gnome.
I finished it in two days, mostly because I started cutting out the fabric at 9.30pm and was too tired to stitch when I was done. This is my first attempt at applique, a technique that’s scared me off. But! It wasn’t as difficult as I assumed it would be. I had so much fun making this and it was so nice to finished a project quickly and immediately be able to hang it up. The SGT and I agreed, I have to buy and make the rest of the available kits and hang them up in the house.
For more FOs, check out Tami‘s blog.
Diane from Crafty Pod posted an essay that was cut from her newest book, Quilting Happiness, that really struck a chord with me. She writes,
Some spiritual traditions embrace the belief that when you make things, your thoughts carry an energy that ends up in the finished piece. So if you’re making a quilt, and you’re worrying about your bills the entire time, that quilt can actually carry an air of anxiety.
On the 10th, I tried making some more nodes but I had to stop. Not just because I couldn’t get the bobbin to wind evenly, but because I found myself thinking back to those first few weeks in the hospital. When I caught myself ruminating, I shook out my body (which surprisingly helps end the spiral of bad thoughts) and stepped away from the sewing machine.
My goal for Survival Organs is to get my organs in the hands of as many cancer patients, survivors and family members as possible. I’ve made them look quirky and cute so people can have a moment, however brief, of laughter. I found that by laughing at my situation, I felt far more in control of what was going on.
When I sit down to sketch, cut or sew my organs, I think about the good times I had during chemo. It’s been difficult to remember them (the bad days are easiest to recall) but I know they’re there. While some friends faded away, others came out of the shadows (Leticia, this means you!). A long time family friend became a second mother to me. So I remember those times and I try to pass that gratitude on.
SEP 09
Found on Pinterest via Stripes and Sequins.
I’ve been struggling to meaningfully blog lately. As I mentioned in my previous post, early September is a hard time of year for me. Tomorrow is my three year cancer-versary and I try to do things out of my comfort zone. During chemo, I jokingly sneered at people who went on bucket list binges but now I’ve found myself making a point to try new things.
And yet, there’s a secret part of me that thinks I’ve lost time to cancer. That now I’m on a race to make up for the two years I lost from illness, treatment and recovery. That’s not a rare feeling either, in fact I was feeling that way this morning.
It’s surprising how sometimes what you need to hear the most pops up. That image was on my Pinterest feed and it hit me square in the feels.
Fitzgerald is right. Summer is on its way out and now is a time of renewal. I can’t get the time I lost to chemo back. All I can do right now is think about what I’ve learned from it. Glean some useful tips from what happened and start adding new qualities to the person I am now.
Next week, I’ll be on a rock climbing trip with First Descents, a non-profit that sends young adult cancer patients, like me!, on either climbing, surfing or kayaking trips free of charge. It’ll be a week away from home where I hope to draw some more, keep up my art journaland take lots of photos with my new lymph buddy. Either way, I’m open to a new experience and making new friends and the timing couldn’t be better.
The rush of the holidays is starting and the summer is starting to feel like a distant memory. Take some time out and do something rejuvenating. Try to tap in that feeling of renewal and reevaluate what has happened this rapidly fading year. I’d love to hear about what you’ve learned.
SEP 06
The 18th season of The Ultimate Fighter premiered on Fox Sports 1 on Tuesday. I’ve been really looking forward to this season because it’s the first time that a. two women are the celebrity coaches (Ronda Rousey and Meesha Tate) and b. the fighters are a mix of men and women all fighting at 135 lbs. The women and men will be fighting each other during matches but they will be practicing together.
What has me the most excited is watching “The Real Deal” Chris Beal, a cancer survivor. According to his official bio, he found a lump behind his knee which proved to be a rare form of cancer. He did two rounds of chemotherapy followed by twenty rounds of radiation. 18 months later, he was back in training.
He’s the ultimate comeback story and my new hero.
Courtesy of Zharth via flickr
His cancer diagnosis came just two professional fights into his career. Just like me, he was 25 and diagnosed in 2010 with remission declared in 2011.
My three-year cancer-versary is on September 10th. Watching Beal on TUF has reminded me of how much I love martial arts and just how far I’ve come in my own post-diagnosis life. I’m no longer in my fighting shape and any dreams I may have harbored about going pro are probably over. Watching Beal reminded me that it doesn’t mean I have to give it up permanently. And I can’t let the changes my body has made hold me back from becoming the lean mean knitting machine I know I can be.
September is always a difficult month for me. After reading The Emotional Calendar I’m more aware of why it’s an emotionally complex time for me–cancer diagnosis and the change of season make it a double whammy of suck. But not this time, I’m going to be like Chris Beal and get back into doing what I love.
SEP 04
I picked up some really cute pink fabric from Crafty Planet the other day to make some pink for breast cancer lymph nodes. I only purchased a yard of fabric so when the fabric is used up, I won’t be selling any more pink lymph nodes in the shop.
Here are the three I’ve made so far:
I’ve named them Betsy, Bertha and Bonnie. All “b” names for breast and b-cell. I’ve met some lymphoma cancer survivors whose disease presented in the lymph nodes in their breast/under arm. I learned that in a mastectomy (removal of the breast), the lymph nodes that are in the mammary glands are also removed.
This removal can cause problems like lymphedema, the swelling of arms or legs. The painful swelling is caused by accumulated lymphatic fluid created and processed by your lymph nodes. My handmade lymph nodes are made of cotton and polyfiberfil stuffing so they’re guaranteed to not swell and not cause cancer.
I’m working on a few more but when they’re gone, they’re gone. Coming up soon will be a set of stuffed lungs!
For more WIPs, check out Tami’s blog.
After doing more experimenting and revising I’ve come up with an easier, cuter and faster way to make lymph nodes.
A trio of lymph nodes
These nodes measure about 10 inches by 9 inches. They are firmly stuffed and measure 11.25″ around. I used 100% cotton in lime green; they’re tough enough to take a beating when you’ve got the cancer blues. I machine sewed the main body of the nodes and hand stuffed and embroidered the features. Each node is cut out by me using a general template so each node is different from each other, much like the ones in you!
These new guys are up for sale in the Survival Organs store. Next week I’ll be unveiling new pink for breast cancer lymph nodes. If you think they’re super cute, pick one up for yourself or a friend. And be sure to pass the linkaround!
AUG 26
I’ve been mentoring some new lymphoma patients and realized that my advice to them can be distilled into a list. Here are ten actionable steps you can take to beat the blues, even if you don’t have cancer!
- Breathe! In for a slow count of three, out for a count of three. Keep repeating. When we’re stressed, our breathing becomes shallower and faster. Deep slow breaths bring more oxygen to the brain which then helps us to relax a bit more.
- Go make something. Doodle, zentangle, knit, code a website, or put a jigsaw puzzle together. It doesn’t matter what it is, get your fingers moving to distract your mind.
- Pick a theme song. It has to be meaningful for you and gets you pumped up. Blast it when you’re feeling down and sing (or lip synch) out loud. My theme song? Sucker MCs by Run DMC. It’s also my go-to karaoke song.
- Move. Whatever is the most you are able to do, do it. Take a short walk, ride a bike or even sit up in a chair. A change of position can be like a breath of fresh air and stops the brain from ruminating too much.
- If you’re feeling physically OK, get out of bed. I learned this step (and number 4) the hard way. Once I got out of the hospital bed and into a chair, I would emotionally feel so much better. Get up out of bed, you’ll feel more normal and less Sick.
- Plan a post-treatment reward. Is it a party? A vacation? A slice of cake from your favorite and very expensive bakery? Plan it out and make it something motivating for you. Having something to look forward to will keep you focused on this awful marathon called chemotherapy. Every day that passes is a day closer to your reward.
- Write out your frustrations. Get it out on paper and out of your system. You don’t need a fancy notebook for this. Write it on a scrap of paper and toss it out. Conversely…
- Gratitude. Write out 10 things that you are grateful for right now. It doesn’t matter how small it is, write it down, hang it up and read it over.
- Talk to a good listener. Ask your oncologist if there’s a social worker or therapist on call to help you. They’re impartial professionals who have heard it all before. Go rant to them. I sometimes liked talking to my stuffed animals. Best part? They don’t talk back!
- Keep breathing. Don’t stop breathing. Close your eyes and focus on your breaths. It’s a mini break from reality. Use it often.
I’ve typed this list up as a graphic. Download it, stick it up on your mirror, read it every day if you need it. It’s yours to use as you see fit.
AUG 21
I’ve been all about exploration recently. One of my areas of focus is my shop, Survival Organs. I’ve been enjoying crocheting my lymph nodes but my wrists haven’t been as happy. Like a good scientist, I came up with a hypothesis. What if I try sewing them? What if instead of making them brooches, I make sewn lymph nodes bigger and package them as voodoo dolls?
And I gave it a try. Here’s what my first attempt looked like:
Not bad, but it still needed something. It wasn’t quite right. Back to the sewing machine for this one. I did a careful analysis about what I did and didn’t like and applied that to Take Two.
This one looks much better. Each vessel on the top and the bottom is a single piece of felt and is blanket stitched around. I also improved the features of the face and I straight stitched around the body of the node instead of back stitches. Here’s what Lymphy (they’re all named that) looks like finished:
Finished lymph node
Much cuter and sturdier. But it’s not done. There are a few more experiments I need to conduct. And that excites me. It makes me feel like I’m being productive rather than having to start from square one over and over again.
AUG 16
This is another Exploration Party post. You can read all the collected posts over here.“Seriously. I explore the heck out of life in general, if I do say so myself. Also the phrase “changing my mind” sounds not-nearly-as-good as “I’m exploring.””
Darenmiles via Flickr
My feminist brain went on overload. There are so many negative connotations surrounding the phrase “changing my mind,” particularly for women. I’ve stubbornly stuck to old ideas and ways of doing things because I didn’t want to appear like the ditzy gal who is constantly changing her mind. It sets my teeth on edge when people say that it’s a woman’s prerogative(*) to constantly change her mind. That also denies men the right to try something new and that’s equally unfair! Also, I can hear my parents chiding me for “changing [my] mind and not following through on something, good or bad.” Um, what? I should just stick to something even though it’s not working out the way I want it to/it’s making me miserable just so I can say that I’m finishing what I started?
That thinking has kept me from trying so many new things. It even kept me from changing majors from English Literature to Anthropology, my passion since I was seven. It’s kept me from learning to draw, sticking with bad relationships and even trying new foods. Seeing things through has kept me repeating the same bad habits and patterns.
Experimentation? Now that comes with less baggage and more positive actions. Experimentation sounds productive, scientific, important.
Jurvetson via Flickr
If I approach my personal life, my shop and my crafts as an experiment, then it’s not ‘wrong’. It’s not failing if it’s an experiment, it’s an opportunity to learn, analyze what went wrong and what went right and grow from there. It’s a chance to apply what I’ve learned in a new setting and see what takes off and what doesn’t. And if my hypothesis is incorrect, then it’s time to see what can be changed. There’s no risk involved, it’s all an experiment!
So I’m not changing my mind. I’m just experimenting. In the words of Miss Frizzle, it’s time to take chances, get messy and make mistakes!
AUG 12
I’ve been thinking about Bolivia this weekend. I’ve been thinking a LOT about Bolivia, apparently. I had no idea I wanted to even think about Bolivia. (I also like typing out and saying “Bolivia”.)
What’s the deal with Bolivia?
With apologies to any actual Bolivians who may be reading this, I have no desire to go to the real Bolivia. My Bolivia is a much different place than the real deal. Tara’s call for an Exploration Party has come at the right time. I’m starting to spend this quarter mapping out what my Bolivia looks like. My wish for the week is to get a better idea of what Bolivia means.
Bolivia is just a short hand secret spy code for my plan of global domination. One branch is Survival Organs and the rest is getting plotted out. The allure of Bolivia is that it is so unknown. See, I’m not one to just throw caution to the wind and jump into things. Which is why I push my self to do just that. Bolivia is a new place where I can write and take some of my own advice. Bolivia is a place for exploration and new ideas. Bolivia is where I can jump into things without worrying about mistakes. There is no place for feelingembarrassed in my Bolivia.
My map needs to be refined but I’m busy packing. And I am terrified. What does your Bolivia look like? I’ve got an extra ticket, so come join me. We’ll figure out Bolivia together.
AUG 09
On Saturday, August 31, 2013 I’ll be hosting a Stupid Cancer party at 3 Tiers Bakery in the Nokomis neighborhood of Minneapolis. Young cancer patients and their partners in chemo are welcome to join. I’ll also be giving out FREE SWAG! Come and have a slice of cake and a beer with me.
AUG 07
That’s the advice this little birdie is giving me today:
The great part of unpacking is finding all of these projects I haven’t started. I finished the cupcake towels and now this one is on its way to the finished pile. Now it’s a matter of finding the right frames for all of these and hanging them up. House decorating is the other best part of unpacking a new home. What I love about getting into the rhythm of embroidery is seeing a design emerge. Suddenly, those small stitches come together to form a larger picture. It’s like looking up at the night’s sky and seeing individual stars turn into a constellation.
For more works in progress, check out Tami’s blog.
AUG 05
I have a confession to make. I came face to face with my own ‘beauty is embarrassing‘ moment this weekend. On Friday, I invited Stacey and her husband over for dinner since we’re now neighbors. I even gave her a housewarming present. Dinner was beef wellington and roasted broccoli and green beans. Somewhere between the tour of the house and when dinner was ready, I turned into my mother.
I went from looking like the woman on the left to the woman on the right.
I fixed and served everyone’s plates and made sure we all had something to drink. I opened my mouth and suddenly, my mother spoke through me. “I don’t think this came out right. I’m very sorry if dinner is gross. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to finish your plate. I won’t be offended, I’ll understand,” I heard myself saying. See, my mom does this every time we sit down to eat especially if there are guests over. To be fair, I ended up using phyllo dough instead of puff pastry for the wellington and it just wasn’t the same.
Everyone but me, finished their plates. In fact, there were only a few bits of broccoli left over. Even I must admit that the vegetables came out the way I like them, extra crispy, and the steak wasn’t too bad. They all enjoyed their food and said so. And yet, I feel embarrassed because it was all less than perfect.
There comes a moment where we need to realize that nothing will ever be perfect. I never did think of myself as a perfectionist until recently. I am a huge perfectionist and that’s what keeps me from trying out new things. It’s also the reason why I blog about my failures and try to learn and grow from them.
So right now, even though it’s not perfect, I’m announcing the grand opening of my Etsy store, Survival Organs. It’s a work in progress with more lymph nodes and other organs added to the shop weekly.
Everybody say: “Eff cancer!”
My nodes aren’t perfect. They’re not really anatomically correct. And you know what? That’s okay. I’m not perfect but I’m well equipped for survival, and that’s all I need.
JUL 31
I’ve been in a knitting funk recently but I’ve been keeping my hands busy doing other needlecrafts. I bought this kit last year and it called out to me to make it right away.
It’s a delicious chocolate with red sprinkles cupcake! On a tea towel! I’m making this as a housewarming gift for a special friend. The downside to making this set is that now I really want a good cupcake with lots of frosting on it. I hate it when my projects are so…tempting.
For more works in progress, check out Tami’s blog.
JUL 30
Twelve weeks ago, I started to read Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. The idea of being in creative recovery really appealed to me. I am an artist in recovery. I am recovering not from drugs or alcohol, but from feeling less than. I’m slowly unshackling myself from feeling that I am no good at this art stuff, that my writing is terrible and just who do I think I am?
Admit it, you’ve sometimes felt this way.
According to Ms. Cameron, the ‘cure’ for this is to write three pages every morning. Three pages (which is about 750 words more or less) every morning about anything, everything and nothing at all. She calls these the morning pages, but sometimes I’ve written them in the afternoon or evening. What time of day you write isn’t as important as just getting them done. I write them while I’m waking up with my morning cup of coffee.
In my morning pages, I’ve been able to explore future blog posts, possible solutions to situations and the things that I need to do, want to do and would love to avoid. My pages have been filled with profound insights and the most mundane thoughts possible. And that’s part of recovery.
Anything and everything is good work. It’s less about writing the great American novel in these pages but more about getting into the habit of clearing out mental cobwebs. The result of all this mental housekeeping has been getting more in touch with what I’m really feeling right now, more creative flow and energy and more great ideas than I know what to do with.
I’ve found joy in really untangling and getting to the root of jealousy, why it’s so hard for me to take a pause and just what I feel like knitting.
While the book takes you through twelve weeks of nurturing your inner artist (s/he’s in there! I swear!), I think I’m going to keep up the habit of writing out my morning pages for another 90 days.
What have you done to nurture your inner artist? Take yourself out on a date and have fun!
JUL 26
I love watching documentaries and relating them back to my wool-textured world view. Yesterday, I spent most of my afternoon watching Beauty is Embarrassing, a new documentary about the life of artist Wayne White. I had no idea who he was until I read (somewhere) that he was one of the puppeteers and designers for Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. As a huge fan of the show, I squealed when I realized that he was the designer and voice for Randy, Dirty Dog, Mr Kite, and Flower number 3. For those of you who never watched the show, he was the art director for Peter Gabriel’s “Big Time” video and the Smashing Pumpkins’ “Tonight, Tonight”.
Wayne White in his Lyndon B Johnson puppet.
I’m still trying to figure out what “beauty is embarrassing” means. One facet of that phrase was sparked inadvertently by a comment left by Tara Swiger: “I’m bummed that the Pinterest-ification of our generation of ladies is making it seem more and more daunting to “be crafty”.”
This is a source of embarrassment caused by beauty.
The Pintrification of art and craft is giving us a shame complex, especially for those who self-identify as “non-crafty” or “uncreative”. A good majority of pins are so perfectly staged and beautiful. The lighting is just right, the colors are attractively muted, the house is perfectly arranged. The embarrassment shows up when we, as artist-creators, can only see where we fell short of perfection.
Beauty is embarrassing because it applies an emphasis on an imperfect ideal on our art and on us as creators. I feel embarrassed when people compliment a shawl I’m wearing. All I can see is where I had to correct a mistake and I can’t help but think about other failed projects.
White acknowledges that, “a lot of art is ditch digging. People want easy, but it’s never easy.” Knitting isn’t easy, even after you get the hang of the steps. And we’re bound to failand make mistakes, which is something that Pinterest seems to gloss over.
That’s why I blog about my failures. I want to show the ditch digging side of my art and my life. I make mistakes, I get frustrated, I get embarrassed. And I push through it and keep at it, documenting my failures along the way. I’m still seeking beauty but I’m also welcoming the less than perfect.
JUL 22
That’s what I’ve been telling people I meet who say they have no time to learn a new skill. Did you know that there are 168 hours in a week? That’s true for everyone. Mother Theresa, Einstein, you, me and your plumber. It does seem like we all need extra hours in the day but trying out new things is an important part of forging a good exchange with yourself.
The first part of finding time is to analyze your day. It’s part of the reason why I keep a diaryand a journal. Where is your time going and what do you spend doing? Stacey at FreshStitches did just this in an effort to automate more parts of her business and day.
Finding time is something I struggle with, surprisingly. Coincidentally, my blog buddy/fellow Starship Captain, Beverly, has put together an e-course about this. It’s geared towards anyone who has ever wanted to write anything and needed some help. You can read more about it on her blog, PoMo Golightly and sign up for it over here. If you feel like this is for you, go sign up and tell her I said hello.
Note: I was not compensated in any way for writing this post. I just think it’s a great idea that made me topple over at its timing. This has been something I’ve been thinking about lately.
JUL 19
The other day, I spotted on Google maps an art studio across the street from my new house. Lo and behold, my neighbor runs Laughing Waters Studio from his home. (I love that I’ve moved to a very artsy/crafty neighborhood.) Since I’m on a mission to expand my painting skills I signed up for a class. Here’s my first attempt at the art of Chinese brush painting:
I had so much fun doing this. It was very meditative at times, especially grinding the ink stick against the ink stone. Round and around the stone until the ink was the right consistency. I think I could have spent all day just doing that.
It looks so deceptively simple. The lines are restrained and clean and yet they are filled with meaning. I could feel my mind’s eye “filling in” the extra details that aren’t painted. The brush strokes also reminded me of Sifu Vizzio’s teachings and what I love about kung-fu.
I think it’s safe to say that I’ll be going back for more lessons. I would love to paint a tiger and a crane.
For more FOs, check out Tami’s blog.
JUL 15
It’s the middle of summer here in the northern hemisphere. But if you live in the south where it’s the middle of winter, you can still “earn” this badge. I wrote a guest post on the Oh My Handmade Goodness blog about the importance of eating lunch.
Eating lunch is an important part of self-care. Here’s another easy yet important part: drinking water. “Duh,” you say. I know. But like most people, I don’t drink enough water.
Did you know that 60% of your body weight is water?
Watersplash by jcarlosn via flickr
So I’ve started small. I bought myself a water bottle that has a filter in the straw. I’ve got a million free water bottles that I never use because some public water fountains taste gross. When I saw that this one has a filter, I had to splurge. I carry it everywhere now because I learned that how water tastes determines if I’m going to drink it or not. That was a mini epiphany for me. I hate ice-cold water, even as a kid. It’s just too cold for me. I like room temperature/slightly chilled water. The SGT, on the other hand, likes water straight from the fridge.
Step one to drinking more water means figuring out how you like it.
I like the flavor of water, once it’s been filtered. Some people still don’t like the way it tastes. So go ahead and infuse it with some flavors. Add some herbs and fruits (just not banana, I can’t see that going well) to your water to make it fancy and taste better. It’s cheaper and better for you in the long run than say Dasani water drops. (In the interest of full disclosure, I love Crystal Light fruit punch. To the point where we call it “Crystal Crack”. We can’t have it in the house because we’ll go through all of the packets in less than a week.)
Water is good for you. Any first grader can probably tell you that. But on a deeper level, bydrinking more water you’re letting your brain feel nourished enough to produce more creative ideas and insights. Think of it this way, if your brain is thirsty (or hungry!) how can you really expect it to work on helping you feel more motivated to remove blocks, exercise more, or work on other big goals?
So get up, drink an extra glass of water than you normally do and have it with a good lunch. Habits build up over time, you just have to start small.
JUL 12
I’ve been doodling and painting a ton since we’ve moved in. My yarn is unpacked, of course, but I’m not feeling it right now. Plus I can see how my drawing skills have been improving and it’s been intoxicating.
I need to fix the bridge of her nose. it seems far too wide for her. I can’t stop looking at her and I’m not sure why. She seems familiar but I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who looks like her. Sometimes I fancy that I drew how I’ll look in the future. She looks so classy.
And then here’s a second portrait who also reminds me of someone, I’m just not sure who:
She looks a bit like the girl from “Dead Like Me,” a show I couldn’t get into. One thing I’m learning about my style is that I like drawing faces with as few details as possible. I feel like the portraits with very little done look the most polished to me.
I have the urge to unpack my acrylic paints, pick up a canvas and do a larger portrait. Now that I can draw proportional faces, I want to keep going at it.
What have you been up to?
JUL 08
As a follow up to Friday’s post, here’s some science to back up why you should turn off your phone’s notifications. Lifehacker recently published an article How Clutter Affects Your Brain. All of those pings and push notifications that light up your smartphone (Facebook and Twitter, I’m looking at you!) have the same negative effect as a messy room:
When you have to-do items constantly floating around in your head or you hear a ping or vibrate every few minutes from your phone, your brain doesn’t get a chance to fully enter creative flow or process experiences. When your brain has too much on its plate, it splits its power up. The result? You become awful at:
- filtering information
- switching quickly between tasks
- keeping a strong working memory
The overconsumption of digital stuff has the same effect on your brain as physical clutter.
The other day, I realized that every time I got a ping on my phone, I felt my jaw clench. I wasn’t stressed about any particular thing, it was a purely automatic response. It’s getting to the point where I’m seriously thinking about switching back to a dumbphone but the GPS navigation has saved me one too many times to get rid of it.
By Flickr user Spykster
Since I can’t just dump my phone right now (and having a camera in my phone is quite handy), I’ve turned off all sound notifications. I’ve extended my “Do not disturb” hours and I’ve created a white list of phone numbers that are allowed to go through for emergency purposes.
And now that we’ve been busy unpacking, I’ve taken extra measures to really sort through everything I want to keep. That brings its own stresses, but at the end of the day it feels good to get rid of extraneous crap. Stacey from Fresh Stitches wrote about one small thing she did this weekend. What’s one thing you can do to reduce your life and business clutter?
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